


Vain Phantoms

by farad



Category: Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-07
Updated: 2011-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-21 03:12:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farad/pseuds/farad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it truly possible to know one's self?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vain Phantoms

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the Firefly Universe constructed by myself and Charlotte C. Hill, this is in response to the Mag 7 Bingo prompt "dystopian". (Previous stories in the universe are: "At the Edge of Darkness" - http://www.write-em-cowboys.com/stories/maggiemay1.htm - and the story of how Vin and Josiah got together, set before "At the Edge of Darkness", is "Crying in the Wilderness" - http://www.write-em-cowboys.com/stories/crying.htm .)

_The promises of this world are, for the most part, vain phantoms; and to confide in one's self, and become something of worth and value is the best and safest course._ \- Michelangelo

 

"We'll let you out as soon as they're gone," Chris said, handing down the last water bottle. "Don't worry about it – we've done this before."

Josiah looked at him, trying to catch his eye, but Chris was already closing the hatch. But he'd heard it in the man's voice, the worry. The fear. They'd done this, but it had been a long time ago. And the last time -

"It'll be all right," Vin said, his voice so soft that it was drowned out by the hiss as the hatch sealed.

Josiah swallowed, closing his eyes then opening them. It didn't matter; the hatch was completely dark. And small. Too small, just barely big enough for the two of them.

Vin's hand moved, sliding up Josiah's belly to rest on his chest, over his heart. "Just us," he said.

"Good thing," Josiah answered, whispering despite himself. "Be pretty crowded otherwise."

He could feel Vin smile. But he could also feel the beat of his heart, which was faster than usual. He tightened his grip around Vin's waist, drawing him a little closer. "I won't let them get you," he said, even though he didn't need to. If Vin had said it would be all right, then it would be. Vin's visions had never lied.

"I know," Vin murmured, but he leaned in closer, his nose brushing against Josiah's cheek. His fingers tightened in the fabric of Josiah's shirt, and Josiah felt him tremble.

"Hey," he said, turning his head slightly so that his lips brushed Vin's forehead. "Do you know something I don't?" He kept his tone light, but the words were serious. Vin didn't tell him everything – and in truth, Josiah didn't want to know everything. In fact, there were whole days that he didn't want to know anything at all about the things that went on in Vin's head, the future memories Vin lived while his body was here.

So maybe Vin did know something, maybe this wasn't going to work and the patrol that had demanded to board was going to find them – or worse, find the contraband medicine Buck had talked Chris into running halfway across the solar system. Then they'd impound the ship, leaving Josiah and Vin in here for God knew how long before they were finally found, identified, the warrants on them found, and the two of them sent to a penal colony. Or him sent to one while Vin, who still had the warrant for desertion, was sent to a military prison. Where they could do anything they wanted to him. Anything else they wanted.

Josiah's hand rose to cup the back of Vin's head, his fingers sliding through the soft curls he loved. "Vin?" he pushed, his mouth suddenly dry.

"No," Vin said, "it'll be fine. We won't be down here too long. They won't find anything."

Josiah swallowed, relaxing a little. Vin's heart was still beating fast, though. "Then why are you scared?" he asked. His thumb stroked slowly through Vin's hair, brushing against the tiny scars the doctors had made when they messed with Vin's brain so long ago.

"Who says I'm scared?" Vin countered, pressing closer. He rubbed against Josiah's hip, the movement suggestive and familiar. "We ain't got nowhere else to be, nothing else to do," he teased, letting his hand drift back down Josiah's belly. "Could be I got other things on my mind."

"Could be," Josiah agreed, feeling the blood pooling in his belly and a little lower. But he knew Vin, knew him better than he'd ever known anyone, even Emma, the woman he'd been married to for so very long.

Vin canted his head, his lips warm against Josiah's. The kiss was soft and gentle, Vin's tongue teasing. But it was just a tease; Vin was flirting, offering, but Josiah knew the tension he felt in his lover wasn't the tension of sexual need.

He let the kiss go on until it reached a natural end. As Vin drew away, Josiah cupped his head more tightly, holding him still. "Nothing's going to happen, but you're still scared?" he asked.

Vin sighed. "Yeah, don't make no sense, does it," he said, but something in him seemed to let go. The hand that had been easing toward Josiah's crotch stopped, his fingers making small circles on Josiah's pelvis. "I know nothing's going to happen, but just keep thinking about what could happen, what they could do to us if they caught us . . . "

Josiah wished they had a light in here, but they hadn't had time to grab anything but water and their weapons. He couldn't look at Vin, or have Vin look at him. Part of him wanted to see what this looked like on Vin – he'd never seen Vin scared, not in a way he could recognize. Knowing the future had taken that away, for the most part.

It had taken away the reactions that normal people had, leaving Josiah to bear the worry and anxiety for both of them – and sometimes the anger and frustration of bearing it alone while Vin moved obliviously through situations that didn't seem to touch him.

"You're laughing at me," Vin said, laying his head on Josiah's shoulder. "And I guess you should be. It is kinda stupid, ain't it."

Josiah smiled in the darkness. "I'm sorry you're scared," he said, combing his fingers through Vin's hair. "But it's nice to know you can feel it. Nice to know you . . . well, that you . . . " He searched for the words, but Vin found them first.

"That I ain't as crazy as you think I am?" he said. He said it with a soft laugh, but Josiah heard the worry in it. Scared and worried. A very rare day for Vin and Josiah could see none of it.

Josiah turned as much as the position would let him, twisting his other arm around Vin and pulling him as close as he could.

"You're as crazy as I think you are," he said, "but it's good to know that you're human sometimes."

"I don't know everything," Vin said, but he seemed to settle a little more, comfortable in Josiah's embrace. "It ain't like I don't feel things."

"I know," Josiah soothed. Vin did feel things, many things, and many deeper than Josiah. He just wasn't in touch with the present very often, the space that they were in together.

That thought made him realize something else. He nuzzled against Vin's ear, keeping his voice low. "I would come for you," he said.

"I know," Vin agreed, but Josiah could feel it again, the slight tremble. The doubt. It had always been there, since their first days together when Josiah had denied even the very idea of anything between them, before he had become convinced of the truth of Vin's prophecy.

But it was worse right now – not because Vin doubted his 'truth', that they would always be together. Josiah didn't doubt that, either. But there were places in time that Vin didn't know anything about, times that his visions hadn't show him.

And there were times that he did know about, as Josiah had so recently learned, times when he knew something was going to hurt him and he could do nothing about it. Times when he knew Josiah was going to hurt him and he couldn't stop it.

Vin had known about Inez, but he had said nothing. Thinking back on it, Josiah wondered how Vin had managed to be in the same room with her, to treat her as if he didn't know what her presence in his life was going to do.

The instinct to promise Vin that it would never happen again was so strong that the words were on his tongue, ready to form in the shell of Vin's ear. But even as his lips parted, Vin sighed, turning his head just a little.

The promise would be sincere – because in this moment, Josiah meant it. But in the end, it was empty. Vin might know already about another woman, another time and place, in which case, Josiah's words would be meaningless for him. In truth, they might hurt more, no matter what Josiah intended.

So he said the words he knew were true, the one promise that he himself didn't doubt. "I'll always try to come for you," he said. "I'll do everything I can not to let them hurt you again."

"Yeah," Vin agreed, the word blowing across Josiah's throat. "I know."

Josiah smiled, relieved at the conviction in Vin's tone. At least he had known himself about that. And Vin knew that, too.


End file.
